I don’t post to Facebook as I think it’s a little too fake with all those anon friends that you kept on adding in the early times and people only tries to show as much as their good side. I don’t post to my Instagram about my emotions and what I’m going through or what I’ve gone through. This will somehow be a place for me to pour out my emotions and feelings sometimes. Although I think no one out there is reading my Blog anyway.
I only recently found out that I’m actually going through major depression. It was for 3 months. No one let me know about it. I thought it was just sadness and anxiety disorder. I had not many friends whom I can share with my problems here in KK as I have a simple life. Most of my friends are in Kuching. I’m not so close with my families as we all live apart from each other and the saddest thing that contributed to my really bad depression was, I’m living all alone. No one checks up regularly on me. It felt like no one cared. I think the worst thing for someone who’s going through depression is the feeling of being alone and no one cares…
But thankfully i do have few friends and colleague and ex-colleagues that was there few times to help, although not every single time. I’m sure they do have their own lives right.
I had to goto mamak (Anak Mami) outside and another restaurant, Aramaiti in Dongongon side just to take dinner or sometimes Lunch as I can’t eat alone at home anymore. I don’t enjoy the things that I used to enjoy like watching movies at home (I think that’s how I got myself so fat in the first place before, by watching and munching away my life)
I lost appetite and lost 13KG in 3 weeks time in the beginning and 20KG in 2 months time. It’s a new record I guess. I’m now gone into crossfit to keep fit and surprisingly my weight has been hovering there and probably I gained bit health back and Muscle mass
I’m struggling to get back my life and move my focus onto my exercise for now. I feel I need to get these 2 things first and then I can move on to others. Slowly doing it now
I won’t be updating for sometime or even for months and years as I need to get myself better. It may take a long time
If you do have a friend who’s going through same symptom and depressions, please do take a look around and best way is to offer your time and listen to them and most of all, do contact them time to time to let them know they’re not alone and someone still cares out there.
You may also find articles online to understand more about helping a friend going through depression and try help them too
Angel Wings around you and me ~